This Wednesday we had a brief incident that took place in the courtyard area. One man, let’s call him Barney, thought that he would demonstrate his displeasure about another man by punching him in the head. I didn’t see this deed but have seen many before. The difference in this case was that Barney was stone cold sober and when he described what happened, he gave me a logical argument for his actions: he needed to punch the man to stop him being a wind-up to others, particularly when it comes to football teams, and because the ‘authorities’ [whoever they are] don’t deal with it, he decided to teach him a lesson. This man was probably about 50 years old!!
The Feast operates a zero tolerance of violence, alcohol, drugs, weapons, racist and sexist language so Barney was told he could not come back in. Our policy is that we meet the person who is excluded from the Feast in a café where we have a talk. And some of the conversations have been really constructive. I want to get to know the person better, understand where they are coming from, why they really want to come to the Feast, discuss what happened, discuss their part in the situation and then how do we make sure this never happens again. We help the person to be more self aware; for example, if you are angry or too drunk don’t come to the Feast because inevitably there will always be someone who says something or looks at you in a way you don’t like.
I remember one man who hit his girlfriend at the Feast and was excluded. When we met and talked, it became clear that he could not read and write but was embarrassed to tell anyone. He described going to the benefit office and being asked to fill in a form. He couldn’t do it and, wanting to hide his inability to do this, would get angry which meant security needed to remove him from the building. So he had had no benefit for long periods of time. We were able to speak to the benefit department and got him a special advisor who would work with him and get to understand him. His benefit was restarted and his behaviour improved significantly. His respect for the Feast and his conduct there both also massively improved.
“Help me make this the safest place for the weakest person.”
Some of the people who protect and defend the rules of the Feast are those who have previously been exluded. Why is this? Well, I think it is because ultimately everyone feels safer when there are consistent boundaries that are appropriately enforced. But more than that, we try and show value to each person, we listen and care for the individual. This takes time and a compassionate approach. I remember one young man who had got himself excluded. When we met with him he told us the harrowing tale of his life, through the care system, addictions and crime. It completely changed the basis of our relationship. We were able to get him help for some of his challenges. When he came back into the Feast, he was totally different, we did not see the anger he previously showed. A few years later he came back in to tell and show us that he had got a place in the Armed Forces. Physically he had changed but he had also discovered that his life had value and purpose.
When I get ready to meet people who have caused trouble, I am always hopeful that this can be a really significant moment for them. Sometimes, I have had to meet people more than once before they get to a place where I think they can return to the Feast.
This Wednesday, Barney said he didn’t want to meet with me to discuss being excluded because he had done what he came for. But I still hope that one day I get to meet him and talk.